Passion Pact
by ibrakefornerfherders
Summary: Can Han Solo and Princess Leia reignite their relationship after they reunite?
1. Chapter 1: Haunted

_I put my accounts accounts on hold while I was going through a move. I'm reposting the first few chapters and will be adding to it in the next few days._

 _Idipping my toe back into SW fan fiction with this labor of love story. I hope others enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it. HanxLeia are my OTP no matter how much Disney has tried to destroy their epic relationship. Like many of you, I'm dreading the Han Solo movie because I fear it will do something stupid, like try to turn Emilia Clarke into Han's tragic love of his life. We all know he only fell in love once and that was with our irreplaceable princess. This story is already finished so I will post chapters quickly. I may even post more than one chapter per day if there's demand. If you enjoy the story, drop me a line so I know. The title will make sense as the story progresses. Thank you for reading. Han & Leia forever. _

Han Solo stifled a yawn and rubbed his face in exhausted capitulation. The 34-year-old felt ancient. Repercussions from last night's shenanigans goaded him. Somehow his youth had tiptoed away when he wasn't looking. With a scornful snort, reality had handed him a hammering headache and sore joints.

After stretching his aching back, he grabbed two slate mugs from the creaky cupboard. Smothering another yawn, he poured steaming coffee into each cup. Ten years ago, he drank the stuff because it tasted good. Now he guzzled it down to accelerate his energy. His dependency on the drink irritated him.

"I hope one of those caffeine jolts is for me," a sultry female voice purred.

"You're the only other person here, unless you brought a friend who's hiding somewhere on my ship," he answered, picking up a mug and facing his guest.

"Sorry, it's just me," Marli replied with a brilliant smile.

He noticed that the fellow pilot had rummaged through his dresser drawers and borrowed his favorite work shirt. Although she looked fetching in it, the assertive way she delved into his belongings triggered indignation in him. He forced himself to swallow his irritation and focus on the situation's positive aspects. For instance, a beautiful woman stood before him wearing little clothing. Her alluring curves filled the billowy shirt in all the right places. She presented such a tantalizing picture that Han briefly considered ravishing her all over again with an encore performance of last night's romp. Realizing such an act could complicate the situation, he handed her a cup of coffee instead.

"Delicious," she murmured after sipping the caffeinated drink.

"Me or the coffee?" he asked, nearly choking on his corny quip. The stale joke triggered a brief moment of introspection that he quickly cast aside.

"Both," Marli answered. She eyed him admiringly before taking a seat at a small, rickety table in the tiny kitchen.

"Are you going to Wes Janson's life birthday party tomorrow night?" she asked, phrasing her question nonchalantly.

Tension seeped into his body. He knew the destination of her query, and he didn't want to take the ride.

"Haven't decided yet," he replied curtly, facing the cupboard again. "Does this coffee taste bitter to you? Sugar should fix it."

Ignoring his blatant effort to highjack her proposition, MarlI headed straight for disaster. Her desperate hope outweighed prudence.

"I thought we could go to the party together," she suggested.

When Han didn't immediately reply, she plunged forward again. Her vacillating tone belied her confident words.

"After all, we're both invited," she pointed out. "It makes sense to just go together." Her voice had weakened further by her last sentence. She looked at the floor in embarrassment, silently begging it to swallow her with one gigantic gulp.

Han kept his back to Marli while he rummaged through assorted condiments on the crowded shelf. He purposefully ignored the sugar container right in front of him.

"Don't know if I can make it," he finally called over his left shoulder. "I'll get back to you."

He finally snatched the container off the shelf and poured obscene amounts of sugar into his drink to stall for time. When the saccharine drink coated his mouth with overpowering crystals, he fought off a grimace.

"Yeah," Marli answered with a defeatist pitch. "Sure. Let me know."

The Corellian had monumental commitment issues. Everyone knew it. It was evident that he'd been spooked by her suggestion, maybe even horrified.

Marli's stomach lurched with the realization that she had behaved as naïvely as every other woman who had dated Han Solo in the past two years. Their fourth date had been insignificant to him. Now that she had come on too strong, a fifth date would be a long shot.

"Well, I should get going," she remarked. Instant relief sprung to his eyes before he could disguise it.

"See ya later," he answered, crossing his legs at his ankles and leaning against the counter in his trademark, lazy stance.

"I'll call you," he added.

They both knew he was lying, but neither one said a word.

He ignored Marli's forlorn look as she gathered her purse and coat that she had hastily deposited on a chair last night. Yeah, he felt guilty, but it was better for everyone if they ended it now before it became complicated.

For several moments after Marli had left, Han stood silently at the sink sipping his coffee in silence. Anyone who would have witnessed his behavior would have described it as peaceful and content. They would have been wrong.

Anger began rising rapidly inside Han until he could no longer ignore it. He cursed loudly. Then he snatched the mug from the table, where Marli had left it, and chucked it across the room in disgust.

"Dammit, Leia," he muttered.


	2. Chapter 2: Gossip

"You have arrived on the second floor," the automated voice announced.

The smooth steel doors opened to reveal the second floor of the New Republic's headquarters on Chandrila. Han hovered at the back of the lift for a few seconds before exiting the platform with a resigned sigh.

 _Eleven long months until my next vacation,_ he thought.

As his long legs carried him through the bustling lobby, he took comfort in thinking about an upcoming trip that he had planned. Just yesterday, he had submitted his paperwork for his return to racing at The Corellian Cup in two months. Chewie would be back from visiting his family by then. They planned to visit their old haunts after the race. He had even asked some of his former smuggling buddies to meet them for drinks at Smoke n Spirits, his favorite bar in Bela Vistal.

Han became immersed in a daydream as he headed toward the corridor that led to his barely-used office. It would be a fantastic homecoming. He could already picture himself enjoying aged brandy while swapping wild stories with his friends. Just wait until they heard about all his heroic feats during the Rebellion.

Then someone spoke her name, and he snapped to attention. A woman in the receptionists' area had mentioned her.

"It's a shame what happened to Princess Leia," the woman had remarked.

"I'm not surprised" her co-worker shot back. "War changes people, seldom for the better. It's the rare person who comes out of a war unscathed."

He relaxed after realizing it was just the usual chitchat. When weren't people gossiping about her? Without breaking his stride, he continued walking to his office.

On his lunch break, Han walked to the recently opened deli across the street from work. He had eaten there last week during their grand opening, and while the Nerf sausage had tasted rubbery and dry, the sexy brunette managing the joint had piqued his interest. If he turned on the Solo charm today, he would have a date with her by the weekend.

Han scowled when he entered the busy restaurant and saw it was packed with hungry patrons. He guessed no one had warned them about the lousy food yet. Standing in back of the long line, he scanned the place for the manager and spotted her right away. She was navigating through the crowded diner while balancing several milkshakes on a tray. He'd decided to strike up a conversation with her after lunch when she didn't look so flustered.

"Ya know, she'd have probably lost her crown by now if her planet still existed," remarked the man in front of him. Han recognized him as a New Republic mechanic.

"She wouldn't be in her current situation if she _hadn't_ lost her planet," his female companion pointed out. "Poor thing. Imagine feeling responsible for all those people's deaths. No wonder she's a mess now."

Solo lost his appetite for lunch and the sexy manager. Screw it. He'd just grab a sandwich from a vending machine.

"Gonna be a few minutes late for my class," he told his receptionist after returning to his office.

"I'll let them know," she answered quickly. The older woman was used to his legendary mood swings.

Han closed the door, threw himself into his chair, and shut his eyes, savoring the calm before the storm. He didn't want to know what she'd done this time, but he had to find out. Someone was bound to mention it to him, and he should be prepared for anything.

Feeling a great deal of resentment, Han switched on his data pad. Her newest stunt, whatever it had been, had probably already lit up the holonet. He typed her name into the search box and tried to ignore his upset stomach while waiting for the results to load.

Nothing.

"That can't be right," he muttered out loud.

He rubbed his face in frustration. Reluctantly, he browsed several celebrity-obsessed sources but found only one new article on her. Wendle Miner, a revolting columnist who had amassed a small fortune covering Leia's exploits, had written about her that morning.

 _Presto! Princess Leia's Vanishing Act_

 _Where is our problematic princess? The rambunctious royal has maintained a low profile in recent months. The once magnanimous monarch hasn't been spotted at her usual hangouts in weeks. Have the New Republic's stuffed shirts finally reined in the prickly princess? We hope not. Lawless Leia is more fun when she's causing scenes at-_

Han flicked off his data pad. He regretted reading even one syllable of that loathsome reporter's writing, if you could call it writing. Her bank account got fatter every day due to her daily commentary on Leia's misadventures, and he'd just contributed to her readership.

Still, his ex-girlfriend must have done something to reignite the gossip mill. If that was the case, why was no one writing about it?

He eyed his comlink. Luke would know what's up. One quick phone call to Leia's brother would satisfy his curiosity. Then again, her problems weren't his concern anymore and hadn't been for over two years. Why should he get sucked into her latest spectacle?

Han pitched his data pad across his desk. Screw the princess's drama. His students were waiting for him. He slammed his office door harder than necessary and mentally berated himself. It had taken a monumental effort to stop obsessing over Leia two years ago. He'd worked too hard to banish her from his mind to relapse now.

Then again, he had always lacked common sense when it came to anything Leia-related. The rational side of his brain had disintegrated when he had fallen in love with her all those years ago.

"Two damaged souls, like you two, will lead to disastrous results," Logic had warned him back then.

"She's too young and inexperienced," Logic had whispered. "How many people live happily ever after with their first love? She'll become bored with the novelty of dating an ex-smuggler, and she will break your heart."

"You're not a prince or a powerful politician," Logic had reminded him. "You don't belong in her fairy tale ending."

Han had foolishly thumbed his nose at Logic's persuasive arguments. He pursued the princess relentlessly, desiring her more than he had ever wanted anyone or anything. He'd never felt more alive than when he was in her presence, whether they were yelling insults at one other or sitting side by side in content silence.

Han stopped at the lift door and repeatedly pushed the down button, knowing his impatient action would have no impact on its arrival. When the moving platform finally reached his floor and its doors opened, he charged forward, not thinking of any occupants who might need to exit the lift.

That's when he saw her.

Leia

His beautiful ex-girlfriend stood inside the lift. Her head was lowered in deep thought. She bit her lower lip, a habit that resurfaced anytime she felt stressed.

"You have arrived on the second floor," the automated voice declared.

The announcement startled the princess. She looked up with a start and instantly locked eyes with Han. Her mouth dropped open in surprise. She blinked disbelievingly at him as he gaped back at her. When the doors began closing again, her hand instinctively reached out to halt their action. She quickly exited the lift and stood mere inches from him.

"Hi there," she murmured.


	3. Chapter 3: Hi There

Han stood in one spot speechless and motionless. staring at Leia with incredulity. For a passing moment, he wondered if she might disappear if he blinked. If she did vanish, would he even care?

"Hi there," she had uttered softly.

 _Hi there. Hi there? Hi there._

Two years and two months had crept by since he had looked Leia in the eye and told her, "You should go." They were the most difficult words he had ever spoken, and he had said many difficulty words in his lifetime. When the love of his life had left, his inaction, not chasing after her to assure her that they could fix things as every muscle in his body compelled him to do, had been a gut wrenching challenge. Letting go of her was the most monumental task that he had ever faced, the one test that, for months afterward, he had desperately wished he had failed.

Since Leia had left, life had continued in both meaningless and significant ways. He had woken up a few months ago to discover his first grey hair, no doubt brought on by her public antics. He had set a new personal record for the most whiskey shots he had ever consumed without ending up in a med center. He had even learned the identity of his father and discovered the man had killed himself on the day after the Battle of Yavin. How was that for an eerie coincidence?

Leia was oblivious to those events. She had been absent from his life for over two years. All because on that awful night, with his heart shattered, he had told her, "You should go."

Leia didn't have a clue about the fortunes and misfortunes concerning some of their good friends either. She couldn't know that, while she was gone, Wedge had met a nice girl, married her, and welcomed his first child. She probably hadn't heard that Chewie had almost lost his life in a near fatal accident. For five grim days, Han sat by the ailing Wookiee's side, uncertain if his best friend would live. Thankfully, he had survived the horrific ordeal and was now resting and recovering at home with his family.

Leia couldn't know any of those things because he had once told her, "You should go."

She was unaware of Luke's goings-on too. When he had proudly opened his Jedi academy, she hadn't attended the modest celebration, but Han had been there by his side. She never knew the kid had fallen head over heels in love with one of his student's gorgeous cousin only to feel devastated when she didn't feel the same about him. It wasn't Leia who had helped her brother overcome his heartache. He had been there for his friend.

 _Hi there?_

Han wanted to scream and shout and yell obscenities at Leia for behaving irresponsibly during the past two years. She deserved to be grabbed by her tiny shoulders and shaken senselessly for worrying her loved ones. She had behaved like a selfish brat knee deep in self-pity that she no longer resembled the compassionate, tough woman who had captured his heart all those years ago.

In the end, he didn't say any of those things. His Corellian pride forbid him from reacting emotionally. She didn't deserve to know that she still provoked strong feelings in him.

"Hey yourself," he simply answered.

"It's good to see you," she remarked with an unconvincing smile.

"What brings you here?" he asked coolly. He became acutely aware that the loud chattering in the lobby had diminished to a quiet murmur.

"I'm meeting with Mon," she replied. "I'm hoping to return to work."

Han didn't react to her revelation. What could he say? Did she think he'd be thrilled about her return? Cheer enthusiastically? Yeah, that wouldn't happen.

"Well, I'm late for my class," he muttered, gesturing that she stood between him and the lift. "Good luck with your meeting."

Leia's face fell. Her look of hurt and disappointment was so fleeting that most people wouldn't have noticed it, but he had.

"Of course," she answered in an overly cheerful tone. "I'm sorry I kept you. Have a good class. It was nice seeing you, Han."

He nodded and stepped inside the lift. As he pressed the first-floor button, he watched his one-time love turn and walk toward the receptionists' area.

After the doors closed, all the tension left Han's body. His shoulders sagged with relief as he leaned against the metal railing and struggled to regain his composure.


	4. Chapter 4

Han had dealt his class a pop quiz.

 _What a crappy thing to do,_ he chided himself.

When Han had accepted his role with the New Republic, he'd made a mental note never to spring surprise tests on his students. Back when he had attended the academy, he had hated when instructors pulled jerk stunts like that.

Han silently consoled himself with the knowledge that he had little choice regarding today's situation. His encounter with his ex-girlfriend had left him too distracted to concentrate on a lesson.

Leia Organa was back, and Han didn't know how to feel about it. The Princess of Alderaan was the love of his life, or so he had thought. She had crushed his heart when she had left him.

To worsen matters, Han hadn't anticipated their breakup. He knew Leia felt devastated to learn that the hated Darth Vader had fathered Luke and her. Who wouldn't feel crushed after making that discovery?

The shocking revelation had dismayed and horrified her - only with delayed impact. At first, Leia had handled the discovery exceedingly well. For several months, she had carried on with her life as if everything was the same. Then, one day, poof! Without any warning, Leia's composure began unraveling, small threads at a time, until yards of heartbreak and doubt nearly smothered her.

Han had assured Leia repeatedly that her paternity didn't matter to him. He loved her wholeheartedly. Nothing would change his feelings.

On the many occasions, Leia had expressed doubt about herself, Han was also quick to assure her that she was nothing like her biological father. He always reminded her that Bail and Breha Organa had raised her, and she exuded the same goodness and compassion that had burned so brightly in them.

On that awful day when Han's life had changed forever, the morning began as it usually did. They had made love the night before and woken up in each other's arms. Throughout breakfast, the pair bantered in their usual, good-natured manner while they prepared for a busy workday. Before his princess had left for work, he had sent her out the door with a lingering kiss.

In hindsight, he now realized Leia had seemed quieter than usual that morning. Then again, she had behaved somewhat subdued for weeks, grappling with the news of her parentage while assuring everyone that she was just fine.

When Han got back to his ship that evening, Leia sat motionless at the galley table, staring at a glass of water that she grasped in her hand. Lost in thought, she didn't notice him at first. Her glazed eyes held that faraway look that he'd grown accustomed to seeing from her of late. He watched her silently, transfixed by her stunning beauty.

"You're home early," he finally remarked.

As Leia snapped out of her daydream, Han walked behind her and wrapped her in a tight embrace. Her cheek felt icy when he placed a gentle kiss on it.

"You okay?" he asked with concern.

"Yes," she answered before quickly adding, "No."

"What's the matter?"

"I need to get out of here," Leia said as if she had reached the realization at that very instant.

"Sounds good. Let's grab dinner at that outdoor market."

"No," she replied, surveying her surroundings frantically. "I have to get out of this city. I need to leave Chandrila."

"Why? What happened?"

"I don't know who I am anymore," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

Years ago, hell, months ago, Han would have felt alarmed to witness any crack in Leia's calm exterior. Not anymore though. In recent weeks, his love had regularly dissolved into tears.

"Hey, come on," he soothed, gently rubbing her back in a circular motion.

"I have to leave," she whispered while struggling to wipe away tears.

"Do what?"

"Leave this place. Get away. I'm going crazy here. I need to get away from my thoughts. I'm drowning here."

"Fine. You got it," Han answered, nodding agreeably. "I'll make a few calls, and we can leave tonight. You've wanted me to show you Corellia, so let's go. We've both built up vacation time and -"

"You can't come with me," she interrupted, uttering the words so softly that Han wasn't sure he'd even heard her correctly.

"Why not?"

"I need to do this by myself."

"By yourself? Why?"

"I need a clear head, one that isn't clouded by my feelings for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Han asked indignantly.

"My feelings for you cloud my judgment."

"Judgment about what?"

Leia sighed shakily. Her shoulders began quaking again with a new batch of tears.

"Leia, dammit. What the hell is going on?"

She studied her hands, seemingly looking to them for answers that would provide clarity in her foggy state.

"I'm resentful," she finally said after an eternal silence.

"Of me?"

"No," she answered quickly. "Let me finish. Please."

Leia took a deep breath, shuddering slightly. She wiped away tears again and bit her lower lip.

Han gazed at her with a bewildered expression, feeling a sensation of dread that he hadn't experienced since childhood. He had a feeling her next words would change his life, and he felt powerless to stop them from happening.

"I'm resentful," Leia repeated in a steadier tone. "I'm angry. I'm bitter. I feel those emotions all the time lately."

Han opened his mouth to speak, but she held up her hand to silence him.

"I'm 23 years old, but I have never been in control of my own life," she explained.

"Bantha shit," he answered. "You're the most independent person I've ever known."

"What choices in my life have I made?" she asked. "I've never had a choice about anything. I didn't choose to be a princess. It's not like I consciously chose to marry into royalty. Bail and Breha adopted me, and I became a princess. I didn't choose the life for myself. I didn't ask for a public life, nor did I ask to serve people."

"Since when do you call your parents by their first name?" Han asked warily.

"My parents," Leia echoed, scoffing at the words. "They weren't my parents."

"Don't start this again, Sweetheart. It doesn't matter who your biological-"

"Just stop," she pleaded. "I don't want to hear anymore that they raised me, that I'm not Vader's daughter."

"You're not. You're-"

"Stop," Leia shrieked. "Just stop it. I can't pretend anymore. I can't ignore who I am. Vader is a part of me. I have to accept that. I hate it. The fact disgusts me, but it's real. It's true. No matter how many times you deny it, it's still true."

Han summoned all his self-control to stop himself from arguing with Leia's declaration. He knew from her erratic behavior the last few months that she would only grow angrier if he tried to persuade her to view the situation from any other perspective but her own.

Fine. If Leia wanted to wallow in self-pity for a while, so be it. He would allow her to feel however she liked. He'd let the issue play out as it usually did. By tomorrow morning, she would feel better and the fleeting moment of doubt will have passed.

"From a young age, I was expected to serve my people, so I did," Leia said softly. "It has never been easy work, but I never wavered. I have played the role to perfection and without complaints. I've always done what people expected of me. Imagine being five years old and making choices based on your head, not with your heart. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted."

"I don't know who I am because I've always projected who I was expected to be. It's not fair."

"I don't follow," Han answered in a cautious tone.

"I don't know who I am," Leia repeated as if she were speaking to herself. "I was expected to grow up so fast. So fast."

Han swallowed hard and tried to ignore the fear that had settled in his stomach.

"I want to make my own decisions for a change," she said firmly. "I want to live my life for me, instead of doing what everyone expects of me. Instead of doing what others decided I would do."

Leia stood up and faced Han.

"I need to go," she said. "I need to discover who I am by myself. I need to do this - alone. Please don't argue with me. Please don't try to change my mind. Because if you look at me with those pleading eyes, I will stay, and eventually, maybe not today or next week, but eventually, I will resent you for that."

Han stared at her in stunned silenced. What could he do? How could he respond to her plea with anything but acceptance? He didn't have any cards left to play. He had to fold, no matter how much it would kill him.

"If that's how you truly feel, you should go," he said hollowly, hating the words as they left his lips.

And Leia had left moments later. She had left him, left their relationship.

The breakup had nearly destroyed him. What made the whole ordeal even worse was that he couldn't find it in him to be angry with her.

Leia was right. She had lived her life for everyone else. How could he then possibly beg her to stay for his sake?

No, he had to let her go, even though it had devastated him.

Han wanted to be angry with Leia, but he couldn't find a valid reason to fault her.

Instead, Han had watched in vain as the woman that he loved walked away to start a new life without him. It had been pure torture. He wasn't sure how he'd survived the heartbreak. In the beginning, there'd been months of ugly nights where he had drunk himself into a state of numbness and detachment.

But eventually, Han had emerged from the abyss, albeit even more guarded than ever, and slowly rebuilt his life without his princess beside him. It had been excruciatingly painful, but he had gradually recovered from the heartbreak and found his footing again.

But now Leia was back, and he had no idea how to feel about it. He didn't know how she felt about him or what she wanted. He didn't know how he felt about her or what he wanted.

 _What the hell happens now?_ he wondered.


	5. Chapter 5: Steps

"You could have told me she was coming back to town, kid," Han grumbled before taking a messy bite out of his enormous burger loaded with all the works.

"Would it have changed anything?" Luke calmly asked.

"Maybe not but a warning would have been nice."

His friend lifted his eyebrows in obvious amusement. He slowly raised his mug to his lips, sipping his warm tea thoughtfully before replying.

"Why do you need a warning?" Luke asked with faux innocence. "You have repeatedly assured me that you are over my sister and have been for some time. You could not have been more clear about your feelings. Why then would I feel compelled to warn you that you might run into her?"

Solo scowled at him. He took another big chunk from his dinner and waved his hand dismissively at his friend.

"That's beside the point," he mumbled. "I _am_ over Leia, but the whole damn galaxy knows we had a thing a few years back. Even now, they still talk about the scoundrel and princess angle. I don't wanna give those busybodies something else to gossip about."

"Right," Luke replied with a faint smile.

Han dropped his burger onto his plate and waved his index finger at his friend in warning.

"Don't start with me, kid."

"Start how?"

"I told you I'm over Leia and I am. This has got nothing to do with her and me. It's about everybody else's reaction to her and me."

"Of course it is."

"I mean it."

Luke nodded and took another drink.

"So, while we're on the subject, how _is_ she doing?" Han asked quietly.

"I thought you were over her?"

Han glared at the Jedi who was trying his hardest not to snicker. It had always been easy to get him all riled up about anything related to Leia, and apparently, that still held true.

"Just cause I'm over her doesn't mean I don't care about her well-being," Han said evenly, exercising more patience than he felt. "Let's face it. If even half the stories that have been printed about Leia these past two years are true, she was in a really bad place for a really long time. Considering how hot and heavy things got between us, why wouldn't I be concerned for her?"

"Ew," Luke replied, screwing up his face in disgust as he pushed his cup of tea away from him. "Spare me the adjectives please."

"So, how is she?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Luke answered. "You know Leia. She's quite remarkable at hiding her emotions."

"But is she past that bad patch?"

"She claims to be feeling back to normal, whatever that was. But it's impossible to know what's truly going on with Leia sometimes. If she doesn't want me to know something, I don't. Don't forget that when she left, she shut me out, too."

"So much for your mighty twin connection," Han grumbled.

"Well, don't forget that my sister was groomed to be a politician at an early age," Luke reminded him. "She excels at projecting what she _wants_ others to see. That said, she does look healthier than she's looked in two years."

"I thought the same thing," Han agreed. "Well, except for her weight. She's still too thin."

"Hopefully that will come in time," her brother remarked with his usual optimism. "One step at a time."


	6. Chapter 6

Leia had been back for two weeks. Her presence was impossible to ignore despite Han's initial efforts to do just that. Two days after her reappearance, the gossip hounds had discovered her whereabouts and planted themselves at the entrance to the New Republic's headquarters. Anything to record a holo of the fallen princess back at work hoping to rehabilitate her once pristine image.

Unfortunately for Han, the same vermin also waited outside his beloved ship on the off chance that Leia might drop by for a visit for old times sake. Several gossip outlets had quoted an unnamed source as saying that the princess had returned to Chandrila with the hope of rekindling the combustible connection with her former flame. Not that he believed or even read those trashy columns, all that much.

The first time the hot-tempered Corellian had spotted holo reporters outside his ship, he had unleashed a string of expletives that would have startled even Coruscant's sleaziest underworld bosses. Then he quickly learned the value of remaining silent when the explosive footage aired on every major news outlet that evening.

To worsen matters, Leia had begun haunting him in his altered consciousness too. Ever since their brief conversation outside the lift two weeks earlier, she had become a regular fixture in his dreams, many of them extremely erotic in nature.

The more Han tried to push Leia from his mind, the more he dreamed about her. Go figure. Sometimes she appeared to him wearing a lacy negligee, her long hair unbound and flowing freely, as she performed illicit acts with him, for him, on him. Other times, she looked as wholesome as the day on which he had first met her. Covered from head to toe in modest clothing, she rested her head on his shoulder while they discussed a shared future. The latter dreams were hardest to shake for some reason.

Truthfully, Han had only seen Leia one other time since her reemergence. He had passed her in the corridor a few days ago as Mon Mothma was addressing her in a somber, exasperated tone. Undoubtedly, the throngs of media that had surfaced since the princess's return had displeased the New Republic's bigwigs. Leia had nodded slightly at Han when he passed her in the hall before she returned her attention to her mentor.

Then on one afternoon lunch break, Han had grabbed a rather pathetic looking sandwich from a vending machine and climbed up several flights of stairs to the building's rooftop, intending to enjoy the peaceful sanctuary it provided. When he opened the heavy door, he spotted Leia sitting near the ledge. She didn't see him at first, absorbed in deep thought while observing Hanna City's expansive skyline.

Han debated making a stealth exit. Before he could make a decision, she sensed her ex-lover's presence and turned her head in his direction.

Han swallowed hard as he looked into her soulful brown eyes. His stomach lurched as she gazed silently at him. He wasn't sure if his physical response was from anxiety, excitement, or the thrill of looking at a beautiful woman.

"Sorry," he managed to mutter. "I didn't think anyone else would be here."

"That's okay," she answered with a faint smile. "I don't mind having company. Would you like to join me?"

 _Run_ , he silently urged himself. _Turn around and leave right now before she destroys your heart again._

"Sure," he answered instead, settling beside her.

She gave him a radiant smile, similar to the one she had flashed him during the medal ceremony on Yavin.

 _I'd do anything to see her smile at me like that again,_ he had thought back then.

"Hiding from the media?" he asked.

"That was my plan."

"Don't worry. They'll get tired of hounding you. They have to leave you alone at some point."

"It can't happen fast enough."

"Other than being hounded nonstop, how have you been?" he asked somberly.

"Haven't you read the gossips? I'm a mess. They say that I'm barely holding on to my sanity."

"Screw them. Everyone knows they gossips are full of bantha shit. No one believes anything they report. Well, Chewie believes their crap, but he's an idiot sometimes."

"He reads the gossips?"

"He's been a loyal subscriber for year."

"If he believes what they write, he must despise me then."

"Nah. He thinks the galaxy of you. He always has and always will."

 _Just like me,_ he almost added before thinking better of it and keeping that nugget of information to himself.

"Well, the feeling is mutual," she replied fondly. "I missed that furry guy."

"What about me?" Han blurted before he had time to censure his words. "Did you miss me?"

"Not a day went by when I didn't think about you."

"You know, Leia. Just so we're clear. I don't hold your leaving against you. I'm not gonna lie to you. It hurt, but I get why you left."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you," she replied softly.

"It's done," he replied quickly. "It's over. Let's leave all that in the past."

"I've been hoping since I came back that we can… be friends again," she remarked uncertainly.

Han felt a dash of disappointment at her choice of words and instantly felt annoyed with himself. What was it about this woman that made him repeatedly want to throw caution to the wind and jump back into a romance with her? Had he learned nothing since she had broken his heart all those years ago?

Maybe keeping his relationship with Leia strictly platonic was a good thing. Why gamble away his heart again? He'd done just fine these past few years without her. It's not like he needed to be in a relationship with her to be happy. Why couldn't they just be friends? It was probably a good decision for both of them.

"Think you can handle being friends with a gorgeous guy like me?" he asked, grinning slyly. "I dunno. Sounds like a big challenge for you. I am pretty irresistible."

Leia rolled her eyes playfully at him. A slight smile lit her beautiful face.

"I think I can manage to resist you," she assured him.


	7. Chapter 7: Moving In

"Exactly how many pairs of shoes can one woman own?" Han muttered to Luke, as he placed another box inside an empty closet in the bedroom.

"You should feel lucky that you were assigned the shoe boxes," the Jedi replied. "She put me in charge of hauling her hair products. My shoulders ache from lugging it up all those flights of stairs."

"You'll be here all week," Han joked in his usual dry way.

"Are you two talking about me?" Leia asked, entering the room. "You should hear how your chattering sounds from the other room. It's like listening to a pair of gossipy schoolgirls."

"He started it," Luke said, pointing to his good friend.

"Ya know, most princesses would have hired hands help them move into their new apartment instead of forcing her friends to help," Han remarked, as he leaned casually against a tall bureau that was still covered in protective plastic wrap.

"You make it sound like I'm taking advantage of you," Leia protested.

"Not yet, but maybe if I play my cards right," her ex-boyfriend deadpanned.

Luke swiveled his head in his friend's direction, throwing him a sharp look.

"You never play your cards right. That's how you ended up with a heap of junk for a ship," the princess quipped.

Han mimed a physical assault and cast a faux hurt expression at her.

"You wound me, your highnessness."

"Not yet, but maybe if you play your cards right, I just might," she joked over her shoulder as she headed out the door.

Luke frowned at Han, but his friend was too busy smiling at the spot where Leia had been standing seconds earlier to notice the Jedi's displeased look. Trying again, the Jedi cleared his throat loudly, finally succeeding in his attention.

"What?" Han demanded, confused by his friend's scornful look.

"You're flirting with my sister," Luke stated in an accusatory tone.

"Nah. I'm not flirting with her."

"Yes, you are."

"So what if I am?" Han replied, shrugging his shoulders as nonchalantly as possible. "Is there some law that prohibits flirting with a Jedi's sister?"

"Yes."

"There is, huh?"

"Yes."

"What's it called?"

"It's called: The Last Time You Dated My Sister It Ended Badly Law."

Han grinned at his friend, amused by his irritated reaction.

"Who said anything about dating your sister? It's just harmless flirting."

With the way you two have been looking at each other all day and bantering in your annoyingly flirty voices, I have a feeling there won't be anything harmless about it."

"Shut up," Han replied, good naturedly since he didn't have a more fitting response to shoot back at him.

Luke shook his head in annoyance.

"You are way too cheerful today," he said in his accusatory tone again.

"And you're too serious. Loosen up, will ya?"

"I'll loosen up once you swipe that stupid smile off your face."

The men walked out of the bedroom and back into the living room to find Leia finishing a call on her com link. As she wrapped up the conversation, the lean princess winced as she stretched her sore back muscles. As she leaned to one side, her sweater rode up a bit, flashing a bit of stomach. Han couldn't help the grin that slid across his face as he checked out her tone abs.

"Looks like someone is still working out," he quipped.

Leia frowned at him and motioned exasperatedly at the com link in a weak effort to silence her ex-boyfriend. Then, she quickly straightened her back to ensure that her top covered her stomach once again.

"Thank you, Mon," she said in her poised princess voice. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then. Goodbye."

"Scoundrel," she hissed, after disconnecting from her call.

"Can't seem to shake that label," Han fired back with a naughty smile.

Leia rolled her eyes playfully at him.

"Why don't we break for lunch now?" she asked.

"Now you're talking," Luke said in appreciation. "I'm starved."

"I can make some sandwiches for us," Leia said.

"Why don't we order something to be delivered," Han suggested.

"That sounds like a great idea," his friend agreed quickly.

Leia eyed both men suspiciously. A hint of hurt shone in her big, expressive eyes.

"I think I can manage to make a sandwich without poisoning either of you," she protested.

"If I were you, I wouldn't bet any big credits on that argument, sweetheart," Han answered with a big laugh.

Luke couldn't help but laugh in agreement. Meanwhile, Leia crossed her arms over her chest and glared at both men.

"Care to bet on that, hot shot?" she asked, turning her attention back to Han.

"How so?"

I'll make the sandwiches, and if you like it, you have to promise never to make fun of my culinary skills again."

"Making a sandwich is a culinary skill?"

"Shut up. Do we have a deal or not, Fly Boy?"

"And if I get food poisoning?"

"Then, I will apologize," Leia said with an unconcerned shrug.

"So I lose either way," Han replied. "I don't think so."

"I knew you were too cowardly to take me up on the bet."

"I'm no coward. I just don't want to be hurling up my food all night long," he replied, shaking his head with amusement as he followed the princess into the kitchen. "Besides, I enjoy teasing you."

Left alone in the living room, Luke leaned against a bare wall and listened to his sister and best friend as they argued over which type of bread to use.

"Yeah," he said aloud to himself with an exasperated sigh. "This friend business won't last long."


	8. Chapter 8: Gone

"To you, kid," Han said, raising his glass of liquor in his friend's honor.

"Thanks," Luke answered with a sheepish grin as he gestured to the large number of merry partygoers. "I still think Leia went a little overboard with all this hoopla."

"Eh, she's just trying to make up for the last few years," Han muttered before refilling his drink. "It makes her happy."

"It's her birthday too. She should have made this a co-birthday party."

"I think the point was that she wanted to make tonight all about you,"

"I guess. So, how much have you had to drink tonight?" the Jedi asked, giving his buddy a concerned look.

"None of your business, **mom,** " Han drawled. The pilot of the Millennium Falcon took another generous swig from his glass before he scanned the room thoroughly.

"Leia's in the kitchen," Luke told him, seemingly reading his mind. "Wedge's wife has consumed about as much alcohol as you, and it's made her unbelievably chatty. She's been talking my sister's ear off all night."

"Wasn't looking for Leia."

"Uh huh. Sure you weren't."

"Anyone ever tell you that you've gotten real mouthy in recent years?" Han shot back.

"I just call things as I see them," Luke shrugged.

"For your information, the galaxy doesn't begin and end with your sister. There are plenty of gorgeous women here, not named Leia, who have turned my head all night."

"Why aren't you pursuing any of those other women then? As a matter of fact, I've noticed that your love life has been pretty stagnant since Leia landed back in town."

"Stagnant, huh?" Han challenged, surveying the room again before his eyes landed on a cute, leggy brunette.

"Stagnant means-"

"I know what stagnant means, wiseass."

"I'll show you stagnant," he added, grinning mischievously at Luke before he made his way over to the pretty partygoer.

 _Stagnant?_ Han silently bristled right before he reached his target. _Who's stagnant? Not me._

"Han Solo, nice to meet you," he said, extending his hand to the lovely woman.

"Gemma Mixtin," she replied, flashing a set of pearly white teeth at him. "I'm hurt. We've already met."

"I know that can't be true. I'd definitely remember you."

"Actually, it is," Gemma corrected him. "We met years ago at Wes's end of the year party."

"I must have been drunk out of my mind then. That's the only reason I'd forget meeting someone as lovely as you."

'Why, thank you," she said haltingly. "I don't think you were drunk, however. You were dating the princess at the time, and you were completely focused on her all night."

"Well, we aren't dating anymore."

"So, I've heard."

Just then, Han caught a glimpse of Leia as she entered the room. Despite his best efforts, his eyes flickered over to her, and he found himself staring directly into her doleful eyes. She stopped in her tracks, ever so briefly, when it dawned on her that her ex-boyfriend was in the process of putting the moves on another woman. It was a small hitch in her stance that most wouldn't have noticed, but he did. Ever the composed, graceful princess, she quickly regained her composure and approached a group of men who, much to Han's chagrin, had been ogling her all night long. Not that he could blame them. She looked especially fetching that evening in a formfitting red cocktail dress.

"You were saying?" Gemma prodded, in a strained voice, that jolted him from his momentary lapse in concentration.

"Sorry, where was I?" Han muttered. "Can I get you another drink?"

"Actually, I'm not interested," Gemma replied snippily. "Nor am I interested in helping you make your girlfriend jealous."

"Ex-girlfriend," he corrected. "And that's not-" 

"Are you sure about that?" she asked wearily. "Because a second ago, you couldn't tear your eyes away from her."

Han opened his mouth to protest her statement and then quickly shut it. He suddenly felt tired, too tired to argue with a woman he'd just met moments earlier. Without a word, he turned and walked away, leaving the scorned woman glaring after him.

Three hours later, Han woke up surrounded by darkness. It took him a moment to gather his bearings. Then he remembered. He had been sitting on a patio chair on Leia's balcony looking at spaceships in the distance, wishing he were on one of them, when the large amount of alcohol in his system had gotten the better of him. He had dozed off.

As if on cue, the sliding glass door opened behind him, and Leia took the chair beside him.

"Enjoy your nap?" she teased.

"Sorry about that," Han muttered, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Guess I was more tired than I realized."

Leia nodded. A faint smile tugged at her lips.

"The party still going on?"

"It's been over for about half an hour now," she told him. "That's when the last guest left."

"And the guest of honor?"

"He left over an hour ago…with Wes's cousin."

"The tall brunette?"

"That's her."

"He played me," Han realized with a soft chuckle.

"How so?"

"Doesn't matter," he said, standing up and stretching his arms. "Well I should be heading home anyway. Thanks for a great party, sweetheart. Sorry I slept through most of it."

"You could stay," Leia suggested tentatively, while purposefully avoiding his questioning look.

"I could?"

"If you want," she replied softly. "Only if you want."

"I want," Han answered automatically before he had time to second guess his decision.

Upon hearing his response, Leia finally raised her eyes to meet Han's and in that moment, he knew once again that he was a goner.


	9. Chapter 9: Showdown

Despite his initial attempts to remain detached from the entire experience, Han couldn't help but smile as he listened to and felt Leia fall into a deep sleep, evident by the quiet breathing noises she made and the feel of her breath tickling the hairs on his chest, where her head rested.

In that moment, Han couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been in love with the fiery princess. Gods, how had this headstrong woman wrestled her way into his life and stolen a significant part of his heart when he'd sworn off personal attachments long ago? And when she had broken his heart a couple of years ago, he had been cruelly reminded why he had stuck to the rule for so long.

After Leia had left, Han had closed himself off again. He felt an increased cynicism flowing through his body and been certain that he would never let anyone into his life again. Well, Chewie was the lone exception. He trusted that Wookiee more than anyone else in the galaxy.

So, then what had happened to his renewed life motto and grandiose declarations? Look how quickly he had caved as soon as she beckoned. Leia had been back on planet less than a month, and he had already easily, and eagerly, fallen back into bed with her at the first invitation.

What the hell was he thinking? Nothing good could come of this situation. It was bound to lead to even more heartache for him.

Han had read the gossips for the past two years. Leia had been riding a turbulent road to self-destruction after finding out the identity of her birth father. He'd seen the footage of her all over the holo net. It had been impossible to ignore the numerous images and recorded footage of her drunken behavior and public meltdowns, usually followed by a hard night of partying with people who had no business calling themselves her friends. In fact, Han was quite certain that many of those so-called friends were responsible for the endless footage supplied to gossip outlets for nearly two years.

Leia had successfully kept her parentage a secret from everyone, except Luke and himself. As a result, the public had to speculate why the perfect, pristine princess had suddenly tumbled into a sea of self-pity and self-loathing. Most people called it post-traumatic stress disorder from the war, her time as a prisoner on the Death Star, or the fact that she had been forced to watch as the Empire destroyed her entire planet, killing her family, friends, and millions of innocent people.

Hell, who was Han to say such speculation was wrong? All those things probably had contributed in some way to her colossal breakdown. How could they not have?

However, he felt certain that learning the identity of her father had been the final straw that had pushed the princess over the edge. How could it not have? There's only so much heartache one person can endure.

As Han laid in bed holding the princess in his arms, a million warnings rang in his head.

 _You'll get hurt all over again. Leave now._

 _After the last two, tumultuous years, she can't possibly know what she wants tomorrow, let alone in the future. Go._

 _Escape while you can before she causes you even more pain._

So Han lay there in the darkness knowing what he had to do but uncertain if he had the strength to do it.


	10. Chapter 10: Admissions

There's a small epilogue coming after this chapter and then the story is done. Thank you to everyone for the encouragement!

Despite the raging inner debate that plagued him, Han was still able to nab a few hours of sleep that night. He awoke the next morning when he felt Leia lift her head from his chest. With one eye open, he watched her stretch her arms languorously before she turned to face him.

"Morning," he muttered.

"Hi," she answered, almost whispering, which seemed like an unusually shy reaction from her.

"I'm sorry if I hogged your chest all night," she added.

"It's ok. I wasn't using it. I'm glad it could be of use to you."

Leia smiled bashfully at his quip and bit her lower lip before speaking again.

"I wasn't sure if you would be here when I woke up," she said quietly. "I wondered if you might bolt the second I fell asleep."

"To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if I would be here either," he admitted.

Leia nearly winced at his admission and quickly drew in her shoulders in an unusual insecure response that tugged at his heart. If it was possible, in that moment, she looked even smaller than her already diminutive frame. Han felt the familiar urge to pull her into his arms, hold her securely against him, and pepper her with kisses. Clearly, she was bracing herself emotionally and physically for a rejection.

It was always difficult for Han to see Leia looking susceptible and emotionally exposed since he was all too familiar with the tough exterior she saved for most of the world. Despite wanting to alleviate her concerns, he didn't expand on his straightforward answer. He wanted to hear her response first.

When Leia realized that Han would not be clarifying his answer, she sat up straight and swallowed nervously. She folded her hands in her lap and assumed what she hoped looked like a casual demeanor.

"So, I don't want things to be awkward between us," she finally stated. "I'm not expecting us to reunite, or anything like that. Last night was just sex. We don't have to label it or make a big deal about it."

A flash of anger ripped through Han. For a second, it felt like he was like he was back on Hoth, standing in an icy corridor shaking his head in disbelief at the absurdity of Leia denying her feelings for him.

 _No_ , _I won't backtrack to past behavior,_ he silently told himself. _We've come too far since then._

"Is that all it was?" he said in the calmest voice he could muster.

Leia looked up at him with her doleful eyes as if she were searching his face for the right answer. Then, she studied her clasped hands again.

"Leia?" he prodded softly, impressed with himself for reining in his temperamental instinct.

To Han's surprise, Leia's bottom lip began quivering. Her frail shoulders trembled as she shook her head.

"No," she whispered. "It wasn't just sex. I love you. "

He felt his breath hitch, floored by her unexpected admission.

"I screwed up," she admitted through a series of choked sobs. "I was so devastated when I found out that… that…"

She placed her hands over her face, as if the simple physical act would shield her from the truth about her parentage.

"Leia, I know," Han said, inching closer to her on the bed. He gently pried her hands off her face and clutched them reassuringly. "I know how difficult it was for you."

"I felt so lost," she confessed. "I didn't know how to cope with it. I thought if I got away for a while, I would eventually find answers. Except, I was wrong. I didn't find any answers. The morning after I left, I woke up and knew I'd made a mistake, a terrible mistake in leaving you. You were my everything, but I felt so suffocated by the truth and felt this intense need to run away from you, Luke, and everything I knew, as if that simple act would free me from the truth. It was a foolish, impulsive reaction. I should never have left."

"I've spent the last couple of years regretting my decision," she continued. "I just fell deeper and deeper into the black hole I had dug for myself. I drank and partied and wasted two whole years trying to forget the terrible mistake I had made, trying to forget… who my father is. I even tried to justify my adolescent behavior and told myself that I was making up for the normal teenage years I had missed when I was forced to grow up too soon. But deep down, even I didn't buy my own argument. I was just so confused, so lost. And the longer I stayed away from you and Luke, my anchors, the more I drowned."

"But you eventually did come back," he answered. "Why?"

"Hope," she said in a small voice. "Somewhere deep inside of me, I had an infinitesimal scrap of hope that you and Luke might forgive my mistake and accept me into your lives again, even if I didn't deserve you both."

"Can you forgive me? Or did I irreparably break your trust by leaving? Is there any chance that things could ever be the same again?"

Han hesitated, mulling over her question. When he met her eyes, he saw fear and also that glimmer of hope she had referenced.

"Trust doesn't come easily to me," he admitted. "It wouldn't be a cinch for me to jump back into a relationship with you as if the past two years hadn't happened."

"I understand," she whispered meekly, miserably.

"Ya know, in a way, no matter how much it hurt when you left, I also felt slightly relieved."

Leia furrowed her brow and gave him a questioning look.

"Come on," he said with a shrug. "The entire time we were together, I always wondered when you would come to your senses about me and leave. I never expected a guy like me to hold on to someone like you for very long. Being with you always seemed too good to be true, like I was living someone else's dream. Throughout our entire relationship, I was always slightly on edge, just waiting for you to come to your senses about me."

"Don't say that," she commanded, clutching his hands fiercely. "Before Endor, I never once doubted us. I thought we would be together forever. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me and…"

Leia's voice cracked, and a fresh batch of tears began spilling down her face.

"I threw you away," she whispered.

Han couldn't disagree with her assessment, but he could not summon the energy to compose an answer that wouldn't make him sound bitter or broken.

And then Han realized with a sudden rush that he was tired of second guessing everything in his life, sick of viewing the world through cynical eyes. Fuck it. He wanted Leia, dammit. He'd always wanted her and his desire hadn't diminished, no matter how painful the past two years had been. For once, Han Solo wanted to let his heart guide him instead of his head.

"I love you, too," he said simply.

For a moment, Leia didn't react. She sat deathly still, looking down at her hands, not budging in the slightest. Just as he began wondering if she had even heard his confession, she lifted her head and met his with astonished eyes.

"That's the reason I stayed last night, why I didn't bolt," he continued. "A big part of me was urging myself to leave to, uh, protect myself from getting hurt. Then I realized that leaving wouldn't change the simple fact that I love you. I have always loved you and always will. And I knew then that I had to stay and face the truth."

"You hurt me, badly, but I'm not angry with you," he stressed. "I've never been mad at you. We had just finished fighting a grueling war, one that was emotionally draining on you on so many levels. On top of that, Luke dropped an enormous bombshell on you. It was a revelation that would have destroyed most people, but not you, not my brave princess. Maybe you were lost for a while, but you rebounded, like you always do."

"You love me?" she asked hopefully. "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes."

Leia flung herself into his arms, gripping him with a strength that belied her small body. Half laughing and half crying with joy and relief, she sprayed him with a million kisses anywhere she could reach, on his forehead, nose, cheek, and finally his lips.

They shared a long, searing kiss that dulled the pain of the last two years. When they broke apart, Han gave her a smug smile.

"I knew you'd be back," he joked, ducking just in time as she playfully swatted at him.


End file.
